The aliens kidnapped me while I was unloading knickers from the washing machine.
The big window snapped wide open, and I felt the gentlest tug as I was lifted off my feet. I floated up to their space ship, which looked like a flying teacup. Presumably the saucer was off elsewhere. A door opened in the base, and I was sucked inside.
The interior was all squidgy pink. Little girl pink at that. I'd have loved it when I was seven. Now it made me come over all feminist.
The outside door shut. An inside door opened, and a stalk of electric-blue celery walked in and threw some pink powder at me.
Then I woke up lying on the floor in front of the utility room, on a pile of wet knickers.
And now I'm so traumatised that I can't bear to go anywhere near the washing machine.
So you'll have to do the laundry, darling.
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