Bonfires: part 2

"WHAT?" he yelled at the top of his lungs. "You must be joking!"

Janet took an involuntary step backwards.

He grabbed her sleeve. "Come here. I want to show you something."

And he dragged her along the side of the house to the back garden.

"Look! Look!" he yelled, pointing at the bonfire, which belched choking smoke. "I do all this work -- the weeding and the raking and the planting -- and all you can do is complain."

"Mr. Docherty I --"

"Do you think I do it for the good of my health? Do you?"

Janet thought he did it because he was a control freak who needed the garden to stand to attention, but she wasn't reckless enough to say so.

He went on, "And none of you help. Ever."

Janet took a deep breath, and promptly choked on the smoke. At last she gasped, "I tried to help and you said I --"

"Don't interrupt me!" he wagged a finger an inch under her nose.

Before she could say anything, he went on, "And what about that stinking dog?"

"It was only here overnight." Months ago, Summer had brought home a stray dog, and taken it to the shelter in the morning.

"DON'T SHOUT AT ME!" he roared. "THAT BLASTED DOG. CRAPPING OVER HERE --" and he actually dipped his rear towards the ground in a mini squat "-- CRAPPING OVER THERE--" another mini-squat "--THAT'S NOT CLEAN--" wagging his finger under her nose again. "IN FACT, IT'S FILTHY."

The smell of smoke was very strong now.

Gareth Docherty's eyes began to bug out and his face turned a fiery red. "YOU FILTHY PEOPLE HAVE GOT NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!"

Janet could have sworn she saw wisps of smoke coming out of his ears. But that would just be his grey hair, wouldn't it?

"NOTHING AT ALL!"

With a soft whump the smoke turned to flame, and Gareth Docherty spontaneously combusted.

He burned out in less than a minute, before Janet could believe her eyes enough to scream for help. She was left staring at a new patch of burned grass on the manicured lawn.